nastyavalentine
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Guys, some real talk about validation and dissociation and w..
🕑 Added 2023-09-24 04:36:17 +0000 UTC Guys, some real talk about validation and dissociation and why I haven’t been active as much lately (sorry btw I’m working on it I swear): 💕🥺 The core of e-validation is mirrored in the search for irl validation as well. Having parents who always called me ugly and fat, as well as men rejecting me under the premise I’m not attractive enough, I seek external layers to my desperate search of beauty therefore meaningfulness and value I need to be sexy I require being called beautiful I can’t cum unless I feel gorgeous I start drama if I don’t feel loved Lately, my e-self has not been feeling hot idk what it is … Burnout? Depression? Dysphoria? Protest behaviors? Idk I need that therapy lol so hopefully I’ll make a campaign for it soon w new content and stuff These dark topics will be addressed in my books too cause at the very least, my coping mechanisms of writing about it and pouring my soul into my art is cathartic and keeping me from leaping off the edge of the world A lot has been on my mind and I feel digital overwhelm, to the point where I have a resistance to working. I just couldn’t do it lately, I’m so sorry 😞 Part of what I do on OF is a feminine facade of prettiness which is not just a practice, it’s my identity.. it is really who I am, all the outfits and accessories and posturing - I love it, I live it, it’s how I heal It’s psychotic but it’s who I am I took time offline and off OF lately to figure out my mental health shit and while I’m still suffering, I feel a bit better having had a breather. Hoping to come back to work fully by the end of Sept/sometime in early Oct. for my favorite spooky season content. Btw I have a ton of continuous pre scheduled posts for the whole month so every day you will still see me even if it’s not brand new nastya content This line of work can be so amazing and rewarding, but also so draining. I tie my self image to my self value a lot more than I should, past traumas w family and lovers have fucked me up in that way, and that’s honestly fucking hard to reconcile. It affects my ability to live, sometimes my income, sometimes my relationships. It’s ugly. I feel hideous Some days I feel gorgeous and sexy and that’s when I post on OF insta Reddit etc. Lately idk what it is but I can’t even look at myself in nude photos sometimes.. I haven’t made any $ on OF this month like I usually do and it’s troubling my livelihood anxiety, but I can’t bring myself to vibe on myself when I’m not feeling it, it’s not my authentic e-self, which loves the nudes and the attention and validation. I’m a broken machine. But things have not all been bad - I’ve been proactive. Focusing on irl endeavors like my art and writing and friendships have been amazing and I can’t wait to share with y’all what’s been happening with me in that regard. Readings, book release, new curatorial events soon. It’s really cool actually 💕 I just want to believe in my beauty again so if you want to give me any encouragement I would appreciate it - likes, tips, words - I love that all so much 💘 Digital self dysmorphia is like a new cyber illness that some creators myself included succumb to. I wrote about that a lot recently for my Cyberhorny book and more updates to come … Anyway idk why I have the sudden urge to write this all out, I’ve just really been going through it mentally lately and a break has been what I needed... and as as my fans, you guys deserve my full transparency. I know I have messages to respond to and services to fulfill and I promise I will, even if it takes a while. I would just rather give you my all, rather than some bull shit fake response. To my Nastya Valentine ride or dies, thank you I truly love y’all!!!!! Mean it xxxxx ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Sorry for the emo ass rant, I hope these pics can make it up to you and make you horny. These are some nudes I actually liked, and was present in the moment, so I hope you like them too … do I look cute and hot today?✨ ✨✨🦭 *Ps — if you are waiting on something from me, I will deliver when I fully and thoroughly can 💕 it won’t be forever, but I know how time can feel stretched and dilated online so again, my deep apologies. I hate disappearing and disappointing people but I have to do this type of self care right now. Hope you’re having a beautiful week, hugssss n kissessss* 💋💖🦭🥺 🖤💋
