Changing is an ever evolving process. It is work, and work i..
🕑 Added 2022-12-29 04:47:39 +0000 UTC
Changing is an ever evolving process. It is work, and work is life! No matter whether it is monetary work, inner self/emotional work, physical workout work. It takes work to notice our insecurities for what they are and to have the courage to work on them~
For a while I have been really wanting to focus my Only Fans in a Blog style writing. I hope some of you are able to get a touch of my true kind of intellect beyond just being a dirty slut on the internet. Only Fans is such a vulnerable experience for me to share my body, I need to make this a creative outlet to share my mind. As some of you may know, my husband is going through some cancer. It is not an easy thing to deal with and I am supporting so many endeavors at once while building my dreams. We live in a small place in a wildly beautiful environment. Though often, my only real socializing from a day to day basis is with my husband and my fans on the internet, not many other people, which I am grateful for each and every one of you! But, the reality is that my emotions can sometimes get stuffed down my throat and I panic and become insecure; usually this is because I have so much work and so many people and things to care for, I forget to care for myself and give myself time to get my emotions together.
An example is; buying this butt plug. It has been a symbolic sexual experience for me on many levels, not just the physical. To be honest it is kind of a weak point but I wanted to try to let go of my reins that I held so tight around this butt plug. You see my Husband had mentioned an experience about them in the past and I was always curious about butt plugs, but at the same time I have felt insecure that that experience was not with me. I had purchased this butt plug for the enjoyment and pleasure of ourselves but, for our current reality of health, it was too tall of an order for this sexual experience to be fulfilled together.
For me, sexual experiences hit an interesting spot. I’m quite sexual but I’m very reserved as well. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ve had sex with. I tend to notice I struggle quite hard with retroactive jealousy ~ (getting jealous of my partner’s past exes). So, I had bought this butt plug for: 1) to experience with my husband & 2) to create content on OnlyFans. My butt plug experience with my husband has not gone to plan so far (it ended up in an insecure debacle due to my end) but what it has reflected to me was my inner emotions and what I need to work on. This butt plug had resulted in me feeling insecure due to our current reality and it resulted in me hitting my own weak spot, which humans tend to do when they feel bad. My work now is to question and work on myself. How can I rise above this jealousy that I feel and transcend this toxic attachment that I hold to the butt plug?
I’m not going to shy away from feeling insecure about sex toys, but keep questioning myself about my own inner weaknesses as to why I hold myself back from these potentially amazing self pleasure-able and sexual experiences. It is my duty as a wife to really look at myself and understand when I’ve crossed the line due to my own sexual insecurities and inexperiences. I believe it is okay to be curious, it it is never cool to yourself or the other person to use these experiences against ourselves or partner to make ourselves feel worse. But such is life, arguments come up for review and it is your job to look in and see where can plug up your own lose ends😌😉💕
