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it's been over a month since my last post, and what a month ..
🕑 Added 2024-01-09 00:16:12 +0000 UTC it's been over a month since my last post, and what a month it was... i hope you had a nice festive period and i am very sorry to have left you so abruptly, it was not my intention at all where do i even begin to tell you about everything that's happened and where do i even begin to understand everything it's made me feel there have been many long conversations, many deep conversations, some uncomfortable conversations too, which led to some important realisations i now need to face, and also highlighted some other things i am yet to interpret i have said some things out loud for the first time, things that have caged me down with shame for a long time. i have opened up and allowed myself to be more vulnerable than ever before. i have allowed myself to be seen and received, and i was seen, and i was received, and i was accepted. and it awakened something in me. i was able to identify and admit that i don't have a healthy sense of self. becoming more aware of my desire to be liked and accepted has made me wonder whether i'm a good person or just a good actor, constantly performing to receive the desired reaction. not having yet found a purpose and not finding satisfaction in my work doesn't help either, especially when society tells you that this is such an important part of the equation when it comes to assessing one's worth, and when it seems like everyone around you has got it figured out luckily, the universe has heard my question and pleads loud and clear and sent its support and answer in the most magical way possible, which has reminded me of how connected i am to everything around me, and how i am but a small part of a much larger picture and it surrounded me with the most wonderful people who have been an incredible support and reassurance, and have patiently sat with me through all my tribulations and all my tears, which there have been so many of in this last month. a true rite of purification and release. i know i am probably not making much sense, but i feel like something is brewing in me, or maybe it has been for a while and it's just reached an intensity impossible to ignore. i don't know what's coming next, but i am trying to stay hopeful, to believe that my purpose will find me, if i don't find it first. on a different note, of a similar bittersweet taste, this journey seems to be slowly nearing its end. it's just over 30 of us right now, and it feels like a close circle of friends. for some reason, i can't help but imagine us all around a campfire as i'm writing this post, maybe with an wild orgy to follow as a last hoorah 😅 i am not going to change anything, and will let it run its organic flow, « till the last lover » as they *almost* say. i love writing and i love having an outlet for my thoughts and my sexy photos alike, but i am not able to sustain the presence and activity you got to know and love, and it would be unfair for both of us to claim otherwise. it's been truly wonderful and i will always remember this part of my life and everything it's taught me, and i will always remember you ❤️ thank you for being my lover 😘 /////////////////////////// the selection of photos/videos is from the impromptu trip i took to south of portugal in the penultimate week of the year, to see my passionate, sensual, hot, caring, sexy, arousing, handsome, intelligent, supportive lover (i think « boyfriend » is too cringe haha), following a little breakdown of mine that led to the first important conversation of the series, and has defined this interesting trajectory. 1. me in the mirror 2. the beautiful cliffs of south portugal, we went down to the beach, swam and got naked in the sun. then the tide decided i’m walking back with wet trouser and trainers 😄 3. an otherworldly sunset we watched during a collective acid trip 4. me in the mirror 5. the tattoo i very randomly got hand poked at 2 am as we were close to landing post our trip 🌈 6. the most beautiful shower room i ever got to get wet in 💦 7. me in the mirror 8. some poetry i wrote during the creative writing workshop 9. the drawing which inspired my tattoo, inspired by the air element that i drew also during the creative writing workshop 10. me being a monkey in the mirror 🐒
