thehaydnporter

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Sorry for cancelling my show last night. I’m having a severe..

Sorry for cancelling my show last night. I’m having a severe allergic reaction to the glue they used in lieu of stitches during my surgery. Why they used glue at all is beyond me, as I have a clearly documented allergy to adhesive!! I’m honestly so upset, and I’m stuck [lol] with the glue on me for at least another day. Send hugs plz.

Okay, sorry my post earlier was a little too… mustachioed. B..

Okay, sorry my post earlier was a little too… mustachioed. But more importantly, are you gonna cum to my show Saturday night?? Aiming to start at 7:45pm CST, but don’t hold me to it.

I lost a lover, and I lost a best friend. Good luck fappin’ ..

I lost a lover, and I lost a best friend. Good luck fappin’ to this one, boys.Fully nude Gary love tape/babapology photoshoot + 2 videos, for your confusing masturbatory pleasure 🦷 [Swipe for a free preview, and remember to do your part, leave a ❤️!!]

Hello hello! Guess who… 36 years ago today, Gary created the..

Hello hello! Guess who… 36 years ago today, Gary created the infamous babapology love tape. Check back later tonight to see Gary like never before… T-O-P-L-E-S-S. Also some beaver beaver. 🦫 In the meantime, please drop some of your favorite Bababooey quotes below![Also OF rules prevent me from sharing the full side-by-side comparison photos here, so be sure to check my various socials to see how obsessively accurate I was with my recreations 🤓]

So I’m not fully cleared for sex time, but I may be okay to ..

So I’m not fully cleared for sex time, but I may be okay to stream this weekend… Would you be at all into a slightly different type of show? It would be more of a “body tour” and less acrobatics than usual, as I’m still very much healing from surgery, but I honestly miss seeing you, and it might be nice to catch up a lil bit. Whaddya say!?

Early morning horny ginger Haydn. Close up pussy and b-hole ..

Early morning horny ginger Haydn. Close up pussy and b-hole views, very girlfriendy and very real.

Still recovering from surgery. I’ve been wearing this hat al..

Still recovering from surgery. I’ve been wearing this hat all day.

I made the mistake of googling my surgery. God have mercy.

Thinking of doing an early evening “last hurrah” show tonigh..

Thinking of doing an early evening “last hurrah” show tonight. My surgery is this Friday, and I won’t be able to stream for a while afterwards. If I do stream, would you come and be sweet to me?

Ughhhhh what should I wear tomorrow? I feel like I’m looking..

Ughhhhh what should I wear tomorrow? I feel like I’m looking so dorky in everything I try on.

Welp, your favorite little dirty nerdy is having surgery. 🤕 ..

Welp, your favorite little dirty nerdy is having surgery. 🤕 Just wrapped up my pre-op appointment, now it’s time to worry for the next week. I’m honestly really scared about how this will impact my ability to work. The good news is, while I’m laid up in bed I’ll probably have more time to chat. But I’m honestly so worried about how I’ll support myself. 6+ weeks recovery is a long time…This fundraiser is just to help cover the cost of the surgery; I’ll honestly be so thankful for any help y...

Showtime is probably getting pushed until 7:30ish CDT! Becau..

Showtime is probably getting pushed until 7:30ish CDT! Because I’m hungry and need to shower and my mystery costume will take a while to get into… and out of ;p

Finger fuckin’ dick suckin’ good times ahead! Join me Saturd..

Finger fuckin’ dick suckin’ good times ahead! Join me Saturday night at 7(ish) CDT. My shows go prettttty long, so stop by and have a nice fap 💦

Mommy Morticia strips down Wednesday for a special Halloween..

Mommy Morticia strips down Wednesday for a special Halloween treat 🍬 👅 🍭 If I were a smart girl I would’ve posted this on Wednesday.

I’m doing a Halloween stream this Saturday!!! Would you pref..

I’m doing a Halloween stream this Saturday!!! Would you prefer Tiffany from Bride of Chucky, Cheetara from Thundercats, or regular ol’ Haydn? Also plz comment any cool Halloweeny songs you can think of. Otherwise it may just be my usual mix of whatever I feel like subjecting you to. Aiming to start streaming earlier for once, so let’s just tentatively set the start time for 7pm CDT…[Also secretly hoping you guys vote for Tiffany, because I didn’t get any hot pics the other night 🤞]

Trick or treat, smell my feet. Give me something good to eat..

Trick or treat, smell my feet. Give me something good to eat… 🍬

Carlotta took me deeeep down her throat in this set… 😮🫦🍌 Yes..

Carlotta took me deeeep down her throat in this set… 😮🫦🍌 Yes, really.35 photos, 1 BJ video, 1 fully nude strip tease. Absurdly good value for the content. What’s better than 2 Playboy models feeling each other up and a lil face fucking? 🤤 This was an idea I’ve had for years, and I’m thrilled to pieces with how it turned out. Thank you, @thecarlotta for going along with my stupid sexy ideas. I’m ashamed to admit how turned on I got editing the BJ video 😳[Do your part! Leave a ❤️!]